Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
