glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
