Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude. I can hear the air.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
