You really coming over, don't trick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
