i permit you to call me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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