just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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