Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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