I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
