Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
