god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
