So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
