Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
