Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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