So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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