so that wasnt chicken after all
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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