Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
