his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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