I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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