a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
