omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
