good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
