He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
