im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
