So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
