I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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