I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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