I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
