i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
