Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
