the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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