Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
