still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
