I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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