He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
