You made me cry and you don't even care
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
