plz talk dirty to me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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