My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
did i walk over a car last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
