Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
