I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
