I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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