i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
