Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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