found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
