I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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