No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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