i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
