I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
