I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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