Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
