Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
