I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
