franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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