Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
