I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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