Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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